Break The Cycle

I know that I've already shared my story and I'm not going to go into detail again about what happened.  I was just watching Dr. Phil this morning and the show was about abusive teen relationships.  My relationship wasn't a teen relationship but the abuse was the same.  Dr. Phil mentioned a website that he's teamed up with to spread awareness about teen abuse so I looked up that site.  The site is breakthecycle.org.  I found a page called dating violence 101 and I was shocked; I had not realized that he had done all of those things to me like he was following a book. His pattern of behavior followed the diagram perfectly and the power of control diagram described EVERY thing that he did.

"Anger/Emotional Abuse:

Putting him/her down

Making him/her think he/she is crazy

Mind games"

"Using Social Status:

Making all the decisions

Being the one to define men's and women's roles"

"Intimidation:

Making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures

Abusing pets"

"Minimize/Deny/Blame:

Making light of the abuse

Saying the abuse didn't happen

Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

Saying he/she caused it"

"Threats:

Making him/her drop charges"

"Sexual Coercion:

Manipulating or making threats to get sex

Getting her pregnant

Threatening to take the children away"

"Isolation/Exclusion:

Controlling what another does, who he/she sees, and talks to, what he/she reads, where he/she goes

Limiting outside involvement

Using Jealousy to justify actions"

"Peer Pressure:

Threatening to expose someone's weakness"

As I read all of these, I was literally checking all of these off as things he did and are still trying to do today.  I've been working on moving past all of this since he disappeared and to stop living in fear of him.  Even though I'm at a good point to where his antics don't work on me anymore, my heart still breaks that people can be like that.  I truly believe that controlling/abusive people are  mentally sick and need lots of help but most of them are in such denial that they refuse to get help.  I really want to believe that they can change but without lots of rehabilitation and Jesus, there is no possible way that they will change.  I'm the type of person that see's a sick person and wants to help but when someone doesn't want it, the best thing is to stay far far away from them.  I want girls (and even guys) to realize that you don't need to stay in an abusive relationship for ANY reason.  If you are in that type of relationship, get help.  Call the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1.866.331.9474 or if you feel in immediate danger, call 911.  Don't try and stay in the relationship to fix the abuser because it won't work (I tried.)